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| this is my favorite ultrasound picture of our little dude...he is throwin' up the PEACE sign!!! |
Here I am. Full term. The baby could make his grand debut any second now...though I technically have a couple weeks and a few days until his "official" due date. I am beyond plump...I sit with my underbelly between my legs, I have a full out waddle to my gait that makes my lower back scream...I don't even bother picking things up off the ground at home...and my husband had to help me take my socks off last night. I am ready to not be pregnant anymore.
But I am terribly afraid of delivering this little dude. I remember how Earth shattering painful the whole thing was when I delivered Clara (and not exactly just the delivery...the whole thing....the postpartum experience that dragged on for months). I wrote about it once...in detail...here. Not being able to sit down, not being able to go to the bathroom, feeling broken and bruised and weak with lots and lots of stitches holding me together. Ugh. All this while at the same time being ridiculously overcome with love and joy for my new little one! Such overwhelming happiness I felt when I cradled her in my arms!!. It was like my heart exploded open to the size of the universe...literally...and Clara consumed the entirety of it. It was an emotionally exhausting time...such happiness for our healthy child, such a mourning for my physical wellness, not to mention the demanding/confusing adjustment it was to figure out how to care for a precious little newborn baby! Wow...what a time.
So I know it will be worth it. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared out of my mind for what is to come for my body. Maybe this time will be different?
*note: for those that wonder, I was induced and got an epidural (which was amazing as I labored throughout the day and comfortably slept through all of the contractions and dilated quickly!) The epidural was turned off during the delivery and Clara was born naturally.
It could be different this time. A lot easier. From a person who has never had a baby, I've met a few women who's pregnancies were vastly different as well as they're birthing experiences. I just think women who've had difficult experiences are less likely to talk about them because not only is it incredibly difficult and emotional but its discouraging. As supportive as it can be, the blogosphere can be terribly rude too. I guess that's what has kept me away so long. And here you are, about to have a second one. I'm terrible for vanishing. But I know you can do it.
ReplyDeleteI hope that it is a vastly different medical experience and that it is healing.
ReplyDeleteI too am hoping for a better experience this time!
ReplyDeleteOh, congrats! I think any mom to be will experience fear at first but hope you and the baby to be ok and healthy.
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