my name change headache

My wedding day was a dream come true!  Changing my name, however, was the hugest nightmare.  

 It occurred to me that I never wrote about the HELL that was changing my name.  Initially - the whole thing got me SO PISSED OFF I could barely discuss it with anyone without using forty cuss words and flailing my arms around.  I've since called down, as everything has worked out.  But - it was torture to change my name.  So basically don't do what I did.

Here's the summary.

Got married...wahoo!!  Two days later, we went and turned in the marriage certificate making it all "officially legal" with the great state of Arizona....it was easy as pie.  Then, I took my new marriage certificate, my driver's license and my old social security card to the Social Security administration to get my "new" name put on my card.  My next stop was going to be the DMV to get my new license - except - the paperwork with my name change needed time for processing and it wouldn't be ready for 4 to 5 business days.  Bummer.  I wouldn't be in Arizona then....I'd be on my honeymoon...only to return on a Saturday (when government businesses are closed) and we had to start our cross country move on Sunday (in order to get to NY on time for my new job to start.  Everything was cut so close.  But I didn't sweat it.  People get married and move all the time - right!?

Well.  Not people who move to the ridiculous state of New York.  Don't even get me started on all this place - nothing gets done here - the government agencies are unbelievable.  You wouldn't even believe me if I told you the NUMBER OF HOURS I sat in these buildings (whether it be the DMV, or the social security administration)...ONLY to be told I'm at the wrong department and I need to "go somewhere else" - and then to go to that "somewhere else" and have them tell me to go back to where I started.  I tried calling ... nobody answers the phones here.   Nobody.

Apparently, my new last name on my new social security card plus my AZ driver's license plus my proof of employment/residency in the state wouldn't cut it to get a new driver's license in NY.  Nope.  I needed 6 points of identification with my new name in it's ENTIRETY...meaning...my first name, my middle name, my maiden name (which I kept on as a second middle name because who cares it's my name and I want to keep it, thank you) and my new last name.  This means that I needed to bring in 6 items with the following name:  JESSICA JEANINE MAIDEN NEWNAME.  All four names.  I don't have a single item that even has my original middle name on it.  So getting six items with all four names would be impossible.

A couple times I was so frustrated with this state and the people I was dealing with I would literally break down in their offices.  At the Social Security Administration, the little old lady across the desk from me came over to my side of the desk and put her arm around me and told me how sorry she was that they had made it so difficult for me.  I just blew my nose on the tissue she handed me.  I had no words.

FINALLY - after dozens and dozens of hours at the various agencies in the area, we decided to drive out to the DMV in a smaller nearby town with the idea that maybe the time spent waiting would be worth the drive.  It was. It almost didn't all go through, but finally, the clerk chose to accept what I had as sufficient materials to be granted a New York license.  Freaking glory be.

So.  My advice - do not move state lines without changing your name through Social Security AND getting your new name on your license in your old state.  That way you just have to hand over your license to your new state and everything is easy breezy.

Oh.  And maybe don't move to New York unless you looove a ridiculous government.*

*We're still waiting for Tommy's education certification to be processed here - and it's been 8 months...can you believe that?  EIGHT months...for a guy who is already a great teacher...a winning coach...and hold's his Master's Degree in Education...and teaching certification (though in a different state).  Nope.  Not processed yet.  After 8 months.  Unfreakingreal.

As much as this place drives me nutso...it is rather pretty.

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name changing stuff

I have noticed some interesting conversations about the whole name change thing around the web.  It's clearly a hot/sensitive topic that many love to debate about.  In my own personal  life - it's not really a topic of conversation.  The majority of my friends have taken their husbands name.  I have one friend whose husband took her name.  A few of my friends now have hyphenated names.   And a few family members and friends who have chosen to keep their birth name. Except, it's never been an issue...these families do what they want... and that's that.  No odd pressure, no social out-casting, nothing of the sort.

I never felt pressure either way...I don't even feel stigmas with retaining my name or opting to change my name.  So I'm never really one to join any of the debates.  One of my friends emailed me a bunch of INTERESTING articles pertaining to name changing trends in our country...thought I would pass it along to fine ladies.  Thanks Lori!

"The State of the Maiden Name" - Slate

"A new comfort zone? Fewer women keeping names on marriage" - Harvard Gazette

"Why should a baby get their father's name?" - Salon

Lucy Stone League Website -promotes equality in name designations for men, women and their children

"What's the deal with last names in Spain?" - Erik's blog

name change

OneLovePhoto

I will be changing my name.

It feels right...I've never questioned it for one minute. I've talked about here...and I'm happy to say that it feels more joyous now that it's right around the corner. I was wondering how it would feel to know there was a limit to how many more days I would live with my born name.....

....and it feels like something big is about to happen...like the stars are going to align.  Funny, huh.  As my paperwork gets processed at my residency program, I had to fill out forms with my "anticipated name" (you know, for white doctor coats, name badges, business cards.)  It was weird as I typed out my "new name".  It was weird,  and looked a bit foreign, but it made me smile. I'm happy with my choice...and will cherish these last few weeks with the name that connects me with my parents, my family and my Czech heritage.

Except, the hassle of it all freaks me out. Grrr. Read what the smart sassy lady of The Thirty Something Bride has to say about it here...I thought it was helpful...and may just save me some time and money. Two things I enjoy saving.

Did you change your name?  What streamlined the process?  What did you do first?

what's in a name

One Love Photo

It's crazy to think that in 7 months I will have a new name. Weird.

I've spent the greater portion of my life battling my own last name - it's a mouth full - not nearly enough vowels for correct pronunciation - and it was an element of minor torture in my school days. So I had always been excited to change my name. Until recently - being a grown up has given me more of an attachment to my name. It's who I am. Nobody else in the entire world has my name. (Nobody. Believe me. I checked on Facebook.)

Yet, despite this new found attachment to my name, I do want to share the name of my husband - I want that for my family, my children. And honestly, My Guy has a great Irish name. :-)

But it's weird to know that my name is changing. That I will not only be transitioning into a role of wife and partner to My Guy, doctor (!), and resident of a new state...but I will have a different name...a different identity....all within a couple weeks.

I wonder if I will miss my name. I wonder what it will feel like to wake up as me and go to bed that night as a different person. Or will that foreign name feel right - make sense - and be no biggie when it happens? Or will it make me sad?

Will it feel like the end of an era? Or like it's the beginning of a new one? Or both? Will I cry the first time I sign my new name? Would they be tears of happiness? Will I write my current name a million times the night before to say "goodbye" to it? When people call me by this new name, will I realize they are talking to me? Will I feel a slight detachment to my family, knowing I no longer share their name? Is it possible that sharing a name could, for us, help define our identity us as a new family?

I wonder how all of this will be. I will find out in 7 months.