Yesterday some plans were altered that kinda shook me up, made me a lil more attentive, and pretty nauseated. Turns out I will have to leave for my New England externship adventure about a week early. For you newbie readers, I'm a med student, about to embark on my final year of school, which includes month long externships at hospitals around the country. In my case, the first four months will be in different north east locations - a different city each month (Boston, Philadelphia, Binghampton, and Providence) then it will be back to various Arizona locations. When I do make it back to Phoenix, next May, I will be getting married in 4 weeks.
Thinking about it makes me have a mini lil tear fest. I am definitely one girl that is always up for a new adventure - but this is one looooong adventure - and it doesn't include My Guy. That's what I'm so sad about. :-( He's such a supportive rock for me when life gets hard or when Attendings are brutal, and he's the best to celebrate with when victories are won and goals are conquered. And my sisters!? Man. They are hard to leave too. The idea of being alone is fairly frightening at this precise moment. Most of all, I'm terrified of being the "student" at these hospitals where they will be pimping me all day long. What if I don't know the answers!? All of a sudden I feel like I don't remember anything I've learned about medicine. I'm just... well... I'm awfully nervous.
On the flip side - I love a good road trip :-) Hello, 2700 miles.
Having met you and "your guy"; having done the long distance relationship thing myself; having embarked on many a journey alone; ... having done all this makes me qualified to assure you that this will all make your marriage and relationship sweeter in the long run. You will be "A" Okay... :) Have an AWESOME time lady. I'm sorry your CD has been so delayed... I am so busy my head is spinning. It'll be out the door soon!
ReplyDeleteJust a random thought from a relatively new reader. Fear of the unknown is healthy. You seem like a really intelligent and caring person and that anxiety will make you a careful "student" and eventually a much better doctor.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your adventure!
I was away from my sweetie most of last year... in Asia. Where day there was night here, and vice versa. It was tough, no doubt, but I feel like that trip strengthened our relationship, since our only way of being together was to talk, really talk (thank goodness for the ubiquity of cell phones!). We both learned so much about how we handle difficulties and what we value about each other. I think it was good for me to go through that experience by myself *before* the wedding, to solidify my knowledge of my own competence and abilities.
ReplyDeleteRight before I left, when I was really anxious about the trip and all that I was leaving behind (I was not yet engaged, and didn't know whether the relationship would survive my long absence), a friend told me "Go toward the fear." That was some of the best advice I've ever received - when I'm nervous about something, I now try to deconstruct what about it scares me and what I will learn from doing it.
Best of luck - you'll do great!
(and we'll be cheering you on!)
i watched the first episode of scrubs yesterday- so im able to relate with your fear of being in hospitols on the job and being the one that everyone is looking for answers to. It made me realize that # 1 im happy there are people out there committed to learning medicine #2 I didn't have the personality to be able to deal with that level of stress. In any case, what im trying to say is that i feel for you. Im sure that its going to be a challenging year for you. Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteI HATE being pimped! My mind completely turns to mush every time I get asked a question. But, I"ve made it this far (its the last year of my fellowship) and I"m defiantely none the worse for the wear. I don't want to say don't care about all the comittments and stress, b/c it definately does matter, but you seem pretty well bablanced and that you know there's real life out there. Enjoy it. 4th year is a blast. Make sure you make it a little fun (i.e. don't take rotations that you'll be doing the rest of your life)
ReplyDeleteDarling!!! At least you will be living with the most fun and loving girl everr in the world for the first month!! AND you will be just 30 minutes from me!!!! Everything willbe fine and then you will embark on the journey of marriage with your love. A little time to miss him will make it all the more magical!
ReplyDeleteI like doctors that don't know all of the answers (and realize that they don't). :)
ReplyDeleteIn fact, it sounds like you're my kind of doctor.
Stay exactly how you are.
stephanie@metropolitanmama.net
It's such a difficult time, but I third the comment that it will strengthen what is already strong in your relationship with your man. I spent two long years in school, away from mine, and when I got back, we were so much closer. I wish you so much luck and love in your journey.
ReplyDeleteJessie P I just wanted to tell you that yet again you have made me choke up and cry while reading your words. You are the most beautiful person I know. You are strong intelligent and so freaking passionate about all you do. Every time I get on your page I see how far you have come in life and I think back to our high school and college years and I wish we could have had more time together so maybe just maybe your raw passion for life could have rubbed off on me a bit more. You are such a sweat, simple and wholesome girl and I would trade anything to have had you as my sister. You stay beautiful while you’re gone and keep us all up to date with your phenomenal writing. I love you so and keep a look out for my card; I hope you love it as much as I do.
ReplyDeletep.s. you are a wonderful sister =)
Love ya, August