I'll admit, it happens to the best of us...getting caught up in the details. It happens to me quite frequently. But today, I'm feeling the pressure and it's making me flustered.
I've sat here, in this warm cozy Internet cafe - searching - diligently - for inspiration. I've been browsing all the "typical" sites - the sites that I get lost in. The sites where the couples look more like models and less like real folks, where everything is a tad more sparkly, and the flowers are overflowing. The sites that make me uncomfortably jealous with their couture and extravagance. I start to feel small. Small and insecure. And silly for even attempting to craft a homespun wedding celebration. And I start thinking, "it probably won't even turn out like I envision anyway."
Then it struck me. I'm doing this nonsense to myself. Why do I seek inspiration from these big wig sites? These photographers who charge zillions for the pictures will clearly be taking pictures at weddings that cost more than a zillion dollars in the first place. Where did all those wonderfully indie, diy and rustic wedding blogs go? What am I doing to myself!?
I've loved the process of planning my wedding thus far! But, I don't think I'm alone in that I'm not looking to create the most "knock your socks off" wedding our guests have ever attended...I'm not out to create an enviable opulent occasion...I guess you could say I'm not even out to impress anyone. I just want to love it...be present within it...and not get lost in all the hoopla.
Hummm...it's possible I'm having a bad day.
***I just want to love it...be present within it***
ReplyDeleteThat's it in a nutshell. It's *your* wedding and needs to reflect your heart. :o)
*sigh* I'm feeling the same exact way these days... I spend hours looking for inspiration and instead of feeling inspired I start feeling frusterated and exhausted... we need to remeber, at the end of the day we'll still be married to the man of our dreams** (And I'll be beautiful to him even if I can't find my dream dress!!)
ReplyDeleteman... i so hear you ladies!! it is definitely one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding... but you will get through it, and your wedding will be PERFECT! I don't know if you read my feature post on budget-savvy-bride, but it talks about how I dealt with all the 'inspiration'... you can check it out here: http://thebudgetsavvybride.com/2009/10/07/budget-savvy-wedding-of-the-week-tiffany-and-ian/
ReplyDeletejust remember... you chose flagstaff cause it was beautiful right?! trust me, if you do nothing to your venue, it will still be gorgeous!!
I remember that I felt the same way...I was so overwhelmed with the little details I was driving myself crazy- I felt like I was competing to have this really neat, inspired wedding with these special details- then i realized I was competeing with myself and so I just threw it all out the window...no table settings, nothing fancy, because in the end what we wanted was to have our family and friends close during this special day.
ReplyDeleteIt is a little dreary on the east coast today...I hope your day gets better :)
I know I'll have these same feelings once things start to get on a role for me. Having our wedding in my parents backyard sure will save a lot of money and will have sentimental value but I know it won't look as well crafted as it would have looked if we had had it elsewhere. And I know that if we were spending lots of money on flowers and decorations it would be even more beautiful but the honest truth is that there isn't money for that and I'm okay with that. I figure now is the time to hone MY skills and creativity instead of relying on those cookie cutter images that I see out there and get creative.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way at one point. The wedding I'm having isn't exactly what I envisioned for MY wedding, and looking at all the blogs and magazines kept driving that point home. I had to limit myself to a few well chosen blogs (yours included) for some helpful ideas, and now, I'm really happy and excited about the wedding, OUR wedding that my K and I are creating. Its everything I would have wanted (except the mountain in the background, but, I can't change the course of natural history so I"ll let it slide)
ReplyDeleteAllo there.
ReplyDeleteI saw your comment on Meg's latest reclaiming the wife crying in the car post and I just wanted to say that I'm there with you. I wrote a mega-long comment over there, but basically my husband and I are both medics, and now that I've worked through many hard years of medical school (you already know about that!) and then as a doctor, I feel commited to this pretty intense career path. BUT now that we're married I am getting increasingly strong urges to throw the towel in (at least for a while?) and go down the whole traditional monther-nurturer pathway for a while. Which is never an easy conflict to resolve for a woman in any career, but when it's one in which so many blood, sweat and tears have alreayd been invested, it becomes especially hard. And in my experience, very few women in the medical field seem willing to talk openly about that struggle and how it affects them. I guess because that marks them out as weak in a still male-dominated field (albeit changing dramatically).
I'll stop my rant now, but I just wanted to say you're not alone in dealing with that conflict.
Oh the picture is so detailed. Although the one thing that could not be controlled made the picture, the beautiful rain.
ReplyDeleteHowever you envision you day it may not be exactly how it happens but it will be your day. Perfect, imperfect (personally I do not want a perfect day) it will be yours.
Mountain Bride,
ReplyDeleteToday you need to hear this. A lot of us admire you tremendously. I look at you in awe. I think . . . here is this pretty girl who's gotten though medical school and still finds time for life. You probably make a lot of people feel small in their accomplishments.
And yes, I'd still feel this way even if you opt for the mini van because you have already done so much!
It's all relative.
my dear dear friends - these comments (and those emails!) made all the difference :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope you never have another day like this one, but I know I had so many of them, right up until the wedding day. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. This day is for you and your man and no one else.
ReplyDeleteI too admire you immensely. In our correspondences, I have often thought I don't know how you find the time.
If only I knew as much as you do with so much time left to go. So, when these days strike you, remember to feel secure in your detail decisions because in the end they don't matter. You already have what does.
love.