Tuesday, November 10, 2009
what's in a name
It's crazy to think that in 7 months I will have a new name. Weird.
I've spent the greater portion of my life battling my own last name - it's a mouth full - not nearly enough vowels for correct pronunciation - and it was an element of minor torture in my school days. So I had always been excited to change my name. Until recently - being a grown up has given me more of an attachment to my name. It's who I am. Nobody else in the entire world has my name. (Nobody. Believe me. I checked on Facebook.)
Yet, despite this new found attachment to my name, I do want to share the name of my husband - I want that for my family, my children. And honestly, My Guy has a great Irish name. :-)
But it's weird to know that my name is changing. That I will not only be transitioning into a role of wife and partner to My Guy, doctor (!), and resident of a new state...but I will have a different name...a different identity....all within a couple weeks.
I wonder if I will miss my name. I wonder what it will feel like to wake up as me and go to bed that night as a different person. Or will that foreign name feel right - make sense - and be no biggie when it happens? Or will it make me sad?
Will it feel like the end of an era? Or like it's the beginning of a new one? Or both? Will I cry the first time I sign my new name? Would they be tears of happiness? Will I write my current name a million times the night before to say "goodbye" to it? When people call me by this new name, will I realize they are talking to me? Will I feel a slight detachment to my family, knowing I no longer share their name? Is it possible that sharing a name could, for us, help define our identity us as a new family?
I wonder how all of this will be. I will find out in 7 months.