Being on this side of the wedding has been such a learning experience. I can honestly say that I didn't have a clue about what planning a wedding would entail....and now that I know what it's like to be a bride, I'm pretty sure I am a lil more aware of how to be a bangerang guest....
1. I will always RSVP immediately. I'm ashamed to say that I've been "that girl" who didn't RSVP...or who did so at the last minute...or who received calls from frantic brides about the status of my attendance...whoops. (I'm seriously ashamed and embarrassed to admit that!) I never understood the importance of it all. Until now.
2. I will give nice gifts, and use the registry. I used to stress about what to give my friends for their gifts. I actually used to be anti-registry because I didn't think it was "personal" or "fun" enough. Except, it's actually a stress saver to have a registry. I'll start using that.
3. I will enjoy every wedding I attend and celebrate it for what it is - a marriage celebration! It's not a competition. I will not compare to my own. I will not compare it to others that I have attended. It's a celebration of love...and good vibes make magical memories!
4. Pay for drinks at the cash bar and smile. Nobody needs to hear me bitch about buying my own glass of wine. It doesn't matter. The bride and groom shelled out a fortune to have me there...and I can buy my own booze if I want it. Right?
5. I will make an effort to be a part of the party! Sometimes, I can be a bit of a music snob and I'll refuse to dance to lame tunes (ie: chicken dance...celebration...we are family...macarena...etc.) but really...I need to just get over myself, shake my money maker and have fun!
Do share...what are things that you've learned about this whole wedding planning jazz?
Bravo for number 4! I'm getting so tired of reading "etiquette" websites and comments that say how tacky a cash bar is. I'm paying for dinner for 100+ people and probably providing non-alcoholic beverages, too. So, tell me, why is it my responsibility to pay for my guests to get sloshed?? This is NOT a necessity! While I would love to be able to provide all kinds of things for my guests, I am not made of money, and open bars can get EXPENSIVE! Bah... ok... there was my ranting for the day! =)
ReplyDeleteBravo to all of these! RSVP is something that I never understood before... but now I'll be doing it asap everytime! And to tell the bride how amazing everything is. Positive feedback is everything after planning a long wedding.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and soooo true!
ReplyDeleteI second Cori on the positive feedback. It's not anything I thought of but I was SO thrilled when people complimented our wedding, especially since we'd done a lot of the work ourselves!
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I learned as a bride.. and this is a bit embarrassing to admit.. is that I've been a bit cheap in the past with gifts (aka cash.. that's the way I roll since I figure the couple can buy themselves something off the registry later (usually at a discount) or have a bit extra for the start of their new lives together). I really didn't realize it - how do you know how much a wedding REALLY costs per person until you've paid for one? How much does a plate of chicken really cost? (Not to say I was THAT stingy!). I was embarrassed by how much people gave us when I thought back to what we'd given them! So I will now be sure to give more generously/appropriately.
I agree with all four! Also, I will respond to save the dates, letting the bride know how cool I thought they were, and even giving her a heads up if we already know we can't attend.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a wonderful list, but I do not fault you at all for not dancing to the Macarena. That's just good taste. Make the excuse that you have to pee or rest your feet when that one comes on.
ReplyDeleteAlison, don't beat yourself up. This is one area where etiquette is on your side. There is not supposed to be any correlation between the amount of your gift and the "cost per head" of a wedding. You give what you can afford.
ReplyDeleteTotally hear you - feeling so bad about being late on a RSVP last fall, this is a good list!
ReplyDeleteIt does make it different doesn't it? I never would have thought about some of these things before I started researching weddings.
ReplyDeleteAwesome wish post! I am slowly noticing these things come out now that I'm planning my 2011 wedding. I just wish everyone would take 3 into consideration.. I've been to a lot of weddings and there always seems to be few couples that compare/bash past weddings.. Good vibes do indeed make magical moments!
ReplyDeletehaha I'm with you on the songs. Adding the electric slide in there and you have one of my worst nightmares. For the love of all things good, can't we pick better songs to make party tradition.
ReplyDeleteall of these are so true
ReplyDeleteRSVP-ing ALL THE TIME
to the bridal shower...to the bachelorette party
to the actual wedding
its so frustrating
also
i will NEVER invite myself or assume that i am invited
i will also NEVER assume that i am in the bridal party
ugh. worst.things.ever
Amen. I have been known to be a horrible guest in the past. But not longer. Now I am resolving to be the crazy partier every bride wants at her party!
ReplyDeleteYes, I've done all of these things. I was a horrible guest. Except, surely no one expects anyone to know these things? So you can't get too mad at the guests who do it? The way I see it, the same wedding rules that trip up brides trip up guests. As a wedding guest, you expect certain things because of what the mainstream media tells you, so your behavior might be a certain way because of that (expecting an open bar and a fancy meal in a fancy place). The same way brides might act a certain way based on what they have seen or read (its ok to be a bitch because you are the bride). It's a horrible cycle. Point is: don't feel too bad. You weren't committing a crime or anything.
ReplyDeleteP.S. We didn't RSVP cards because I didn't want to deal with having to remind people anyway.
I too RSVP ASAP now. Also, I understand when I'm not invited. It's expensive, maybe the bride and groom could only afford an intimate gathering. It's okay. Re: gifts, I put on our invitation "your presence is present enough." At destination weddings, especially, it's ridiculous to expect people to buy gifts when they are already shelling out $1,000 to travel for your event.
ReplyDeleteI ditto the RSVP...lessons learned as you go through life... I noticed all my married friends RSVP´d right away...the single ones didnt.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll also offer to help with anything I can, too.
Like a friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and I've offered to go and check the set-up of the reception for her on the morning of the wedding, and to make sure I get pictures of everyone for her once the party starts because the photographer won't be staying. Stuff I never would have thought of before, but it is nice to take the worry away from the bride.
I too will not 'get bored ' durring a wedding. (That sounds terrible right... but we have all been there.) I will remember just what a big moment this is for the couple. :) good topic.
ReplyDeleteyou just suggested something really bold. not only will i be a better guest (although surprisingly, I think I've done okay) you just allowed me to be a little mad at my guests. and I'm not just talking about before the wedding. I think my dirtiest secret is that I am a little irritated at my guests AT THE WEDDING. yeah. they didn't dance - TO THE SONGS THEY REQUESTED. they left earlier than me - making me feel like i did a bad job. yeah. part of my issue with regrets definitely has to do with the guests. I made them so much more important than they deserved to be (yes I just said that.) and I said it because I think we all have a right to be mad at people that are rude to us, whether it's a really bad thing or a minor little lack of rsvp. we are planning a huge party here! we have the right!
ReplyDeleteugh. I may eat it for this comment. sorry.
I have to admit I have learned how to be a good bridesmaid! I am so grateful for my wonderful ladies that will be standing beside me. They have been helpful and supportive in ways that I never imagined possible. I never really understood the full meaning of this role and I have to admit I have been a LAME bridesmaid in the past.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a clever post! Very well written and so smart :)
ReplyDeletePlanning a wedding is an eye opening experience! I definitely relate to this post! Well said, lady! xo
ReplyDeleteBe sure not to only care about presents....Its really not the most important thing in life silly!!
ReplyDeleteyou're awesome. :D
ReplyDelete