first day back at work

this was taken MINUTES after I got home from work - me and baby were so smiley!!

Well...yesterday was my first day back at work.  I'm working in the podiatry clinics right now - so it has been ideal for easing my way back into things (no long cases in the OR or anything).  I did run into a pumping situation that had me stressing a little bit - one clinic I was at had nowhere for me to do it - like - nowhere.  So I didn't (and my breasts HURT like whoa.) 

We had a couple patient's cancel so I ended up having a little extra time to run home and pump really fast (or feed Clara!) before going to the afternoon clinic.  As you can imagine, I was all smiles to go home and feed my little one in the middle of the day.  However, by the time I got home, Tommy had already fed her and she was down for her nap.  So I pumped instead.  Just as I was getting ready to go back to work Clara woke up and I ran to her crib...picked her up...changed her diaper...and I was crying the whole time (but being quiet about my tears so my husband wouldn't rush in thinking I had lost my mind.)  When he did see me he tried to assure me that she was going to be OK and that he would take amazing care of her - obviously I know that.  I wasn't crying because he was going to be with her - I was crying because I wasn't.  I hope he understands.  

The rest of the day went fine at work.  Everyone wanted to hear all about Clara and see pictures (which I didn't bring any of...whoops!) so it was fun to gush about her.  A couple times I found myself getting all choked up about it - and wanting to kick myself for it.  Can't help those things though.  A plus was that the afternoon clinic location had a room that I could pump in...so that was a relief. 

When I came home at the end of the day, the kitchen was cleaned, dinner was made and my husband had already fed our little girl, had her all cleaned up and in her warm sleeper ready for me to read and sing her goodnight.  Which I gladly did for 2 hours...again...while crying as softly as I could.  Then I fed her and put her to bed.  Yep, still crying.  As I type this??  Uh huh....tears. 

Hormones?  Possibly.  But I think they are just sad tears.  I just didn't know I could love someone as much as I love her.  It hurts to know I will miss so much of her day. 

All in all - it was a fine first day back.  Even though now my eyes are puffy and my nose is bright red.  It will get better...everyone tells me it will.