Tuesday, September 18, 2012
not quite living up
I write this with a freaking stack of papers that I HAVE to get through tonight...so this promises to be brief. But I haven't had a heart-felt "hello" in a while. It's time.
This past week I was in Florida at a surgical conference. And I leave again Friday for a two week mini fellowship in Georgia for a dermatopathology rotation. Life is insane. Constantly. It never lets up. Ever. Just when I think I can sink into the sofa for a chilled moment I get a page...or remember an article I have to read by tomorrow morning...or an attending calls my cell. Ha.
Sometimes I think about all the things I'm not doing. I haven't had any pictures printed in about 4 months - which mean grandparents are not getting to enjoy Clara's cute mug (ummm...and I haven't posted any new pictures of her on Facebook in a couple months either.) I haven't made a single item of clothing for her - and according to my Pinterest board, I have a wishlist about a mile long of things I'd love to create for her (mostly pillowcase dresses omg.) We don't do "Mommy & Me" gym classes, or swim classes or music lessons (which I know are popular in many places, even with 18 month old babies.). And I don't take her to the park every evening to watch for bunnies, swing and roll in the grass. I don't make her homemade organic crackers....and she has been known to be fed a slice of pizza on occasion.
It's easy for me to feel like I'm not quite living up to motherhood. And I'm sure there are folks out there who will judge me for this or that...or secretly thank God that they aren't like me and aren't their kids lucky. But I have to say - with all the juggling we do, my husband and I are having a blast...and our kid is the happiest little love I know. And she is a riot. And she adores me. Sometimes I feel the pressure mounting and I get a little lost...like I am way behind in some sort of triathlon. And then there are times, like tonight, when I refuse to believe that I am lacking...and I know that I truly am a superwoman...and my husband is my hero, a real life Superman.